I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
