and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
