if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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