She is in my trunk
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
