so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
