I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
