I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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