i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
