i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
