she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
