Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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