She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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