I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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