College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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