And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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