you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
