My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
