Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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