woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
