OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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