I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.