shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered