I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
