Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
