i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
