I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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