Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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