Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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