Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
