I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In America we eat man semen.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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