Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
