i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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