I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize