If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude. I can hear the air.
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