Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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