it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
