Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
