All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's the barista slut.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
