Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
