Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
how drunk are you?
Several
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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