tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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