How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize