I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
