thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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