At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
