You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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