He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
