I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
