She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
