If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
