Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
