Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
