Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
