so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
