your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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