I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
