My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
