I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
