god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
