I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
