Betty ford says i'm here all night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
