i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
