I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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